A Long Trip

So there's not too much to blog about lately. Except I DID take a nice long trip to see Katie. Haha, I loved it when I told her I was on my way. It took her nearly ten minutes to believe me. Her parents weren't too happy though. I guess I should have called ahead, but I was too excited to make it a big surprise. So when I got there, I paid for a hotel room and everything. Then, while we were there, her parents had a change of heart and decided I could stay at her house after all. An hour too late, but thats okay. I was just happy to be with her. So, after being all worried about what was going to happen when we got to her house, we walked in the door and her parents were all ready asleep. Whew... Haha, I know, all that worrying for nothing. So that night, I pretty much passed out on her couch and woke up two hours later. I had forgotten there was a 4 am, but lo and behold... Blah. After we said our loving goodbyes, I started to drive off. But knowing my baby, I looked around the inside of my car for anything she might have left in there. And sure enough, sitting on my passenger seat was her wallet. And on the way home, I was so tired I had to stop off at a rest stop to take a nap. But thankfully I got home in time to get to work.

Was it worth it? Hell yeah!! I'd do it all again. :D :D :D

How To Be Miserable

Have you ever told a single lie that blew out of control like wildfire? It's not that your a liar, but one small thing happens thats truly insignificant, but you assume that someone will overreact to it, so you guiltily attempt to blot it out of your history by pretending it didn't happen? I know that feeling. In fact, I hurt the most important person in the world to me by doing that. She's my best friend, my lover, the peice in my life that fully completes me, and I lied to her. Even saying it makes me feel like a dog... I lied to her.. And I'm not even a liar! I have no idea why I did it. And now I know she doesn't trust me, which is the sadest thing I've ever had to accept. I may have ruined everything, all because of my stupidity. I'm not perfect.. No one is. And sure, every now and then I recognize something to be not quite right but find myself bending to it anyway. But thats only human. I'm not trying to make any excuses for what I did, because there aren't any. But I'm not a bad person. And regardless of how pissed off and hurt she is, and how inclined she is at the moment to think that everything I say is a lie... I love her. And I regret it more than she can imagine.

I Feel Like Venting

There are many types of people in this world. But the ones I'm focused on right now are selfish people. The type of people who are so wrapped up in their own petty issues that they don't care who it affects or who is inconvenienced by it. The people who have no right to make problems in the first place. Actually, I'm done venting now. This was a waste of a blog entry. But oh well, it's up now...

Pain

I've spent a lot of time thinking about pain today. The more it dug it's way into my mind, the more I realized... Pain is a terrible thing to waste. It teaches us, it shapes us, and it makes happiness and euphoria worth feeling. Without pain, what would we have to appreciate? Love, comfort, utopic feelings and contentment would all mean so much less without pain. We are endlessly tested day after day... The real question: Is pain the punishment, or the test? These are my thoughts. I beg of you, do not squander them.

A Special Thank You

For as long as I can remember, my life has had one serious flaw. I never really knew what it was. All I knew was that no matter what happened, or where I went, or what the circumstances were, there was a part of me that was always depressed, always void of meaning. Not until I met the woman I love did it occur to me what I was missing: companionship. Someone who truly understands me. I never had that before Katie.
She opened a door within me that I never knew existed. Through it, I've learned to love and trust like never before. Today, I would like to thank you Katie, for making me happy and loving me unlike anyone ever has.

When Life Gives Me Lemons, I Make Beef Stew

It's day 11 here in the hospital. So far, I've been able to twist one thing to my advantage. My painkiller of choice, Oxycodone, is giving me a slight contentment, making things a little more bearable. And after my physical therapy, I talked to Clay, the physical therapist, about maybe getting me a pass to do my PT outside instead of being stuck in my room. He talked to my nurse, and she said she would say something to the doctor. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed!
Also, Katie gave me the best news ever today. She was finally able to get everything straightened out on her end, and now she's coming to live with me this January! I feel like all these things that I thought were going against me are finally showing me their brighter sides. All in all, I'm feeling alright.

Headstrong

My hospitalizations are normally uneventful, which is good. But this time around has been a little different. My PFT's were at 47% but I was still sick. Turned out that I had a yeast infection in my port a cath. So that was removed, and now I'm starting to get a bit better. I'm getting Oxycodone for the pain, and let me tell you, that medication is possibly one of my favorites.
All that's pissing me off is this deal with psychiatry. They make me have a sitter 24/7 because of my sleepwalking problems. Does it make sense to be watched over during the day? Yeah, I didn't think so.
And on top of those things, my only form of communication with Katie, Skype, isn't working right tonight. It's really pissing me off, because all I want to do is sit here and talk with her. But there's nothing either of us can do about it..